


following my feet until it's done (until it's gone)

by Lethally



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, post tlj forcetime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 14:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13343481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lethally/pseuds/Lethally
Summary: Let the past die, he had said. But he doesn't know how to do that either.





	following my feet until it's done (until it's gone)

**Author's Note:**

> I wondered today, if Carrie had been alive, would we have had Leia react to a forcebond moment, to parallel Luke's in The Last Jedi? and then I was sad, and I had to write something. 
> 
> This is my first time writing fic for Star Wars, so do let me know what you thought, how to improve, anything. 
> 
> (title from Make It Holy — The Staves)

She's back on the island, standing at the highest point, her eyes lost among the green she had dreamed of for so long when she sees him, his black figure a stain on the green valley at her feet. His cape billows with the wind, his back to her as he speaks to someone but she's too far to hear. No, she knows she isn't, but she doesn't want to hear the cruel lilt of his voice when she already feels it through the bond. 

It is late enough that she ought to begin the climb down to the Falcon, but it would mean passing in front of him, and she cannot do that right now. She waits an hour or more for his presence to fade out, once more the bond broken, until next time. For the entirety of the hour she has watched him talk to "General Hux" and pace around a narrow circle. His eyes never reached for her, she never found any sign that he knew she was there. She wondered for a second if he had managed to sever the link between them, but she would not be privy to the turmoil of his mind if he had. 

Her poncho is wetter than a mop when she reaches the Falcon and Finn's look of worry means this level of shivering is not quite healthy. 

 

____

 

Next time she spots him, he feels like a ghost. She's accompanying General Organa to a meeting with some Outer Rim allies. Their new base is actually an old one, buried deep underneath the mountain of a lush planet, the corridors so white it feels blinding. General Organa — "call me Leia" she said three times, but Rey can't get to that level of familiarity yet — is briefing her on what to _not_ do in front of the ambassadors when she suddenly blanches. Following her confused stare, she sees him at the other end of the corridor walking towards them, his long strides taking him ever so much closer. He's talking to someone, his face turned to his left, barking orders at the empty walls. 

The sound of a cane hitting the white tiles shakes Rey awake, she quickly reaches for General Organa's arm to hold her up. Somehow, he also hears the cane falling, his steps slowing mere meters away from them, his body turning towards the sound. The moment his eyes fall on his mother's frail body she can feel something break inside him. It's a crystalline pitch echoing loudly in her mind. She has no emotions to attach it to, she doesn't think there is one word in all the languages of the galaxy that could explain what Ben Solo is feeling at this moment. 

Let the past die, he had said. But he doesn't know how to do that either. His eyes take in the aging of his mother, the wrinkles around her eyes, the way she is leaning on Rey, the cane at her feet. He is close to bending a knee, she can see it in his mind, he's leaning down, picking up the cane and putting it in his mother's hand. The love and the care are outpouring from his mind, yet the fear and the hate and the anger are still here too. Ben's mind is a cacophony of which she only hears whispers. Her eyes dance from General Organa to Ben Solo, both still in their heartbreak.

Leia's mouth opens but no words come out, her free hand reaching for her son who is eons away and yet towering over her. If he were to raise his hand he would be able to touch his mother for the first time in almost twenty years. But he won't. She knows it before he does, before he chooses the turmoil once more, she knows he will go back to barking orders at his subordinate until the connection closes. She closes her eyes and follows the thread to the door and pulls it closed. For now. For Leia's sake.

___

 

Somehow they had both forgotten that they weren't the only two people in the galaxy blessed with the Force. And the Force can be cruel, even when it tries to be kind.

**Author's Note:**

> I write Reylo and Ben Solo themed poetry on my tumblr: [discardedtwigs](http://discardedtwigs.tumblr.com/tagged/kylo-ren) if that's something you're into.


End file.
